I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
