First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
