This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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