Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
