dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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