I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
