Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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