my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
even my farts smell like vagina
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
