So drunk, too bad you don't want this
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
