Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
