I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
