I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
