so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
