If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
