i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
