i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
