Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
