ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
