dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
