Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
