Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
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It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
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The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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