what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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