I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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