Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
