There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I need water and some morals
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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