It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
