Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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