i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
