I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
