Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
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I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
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I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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