Im at strip club and am horny
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
A bitchslap is in order.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize