she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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