Fine. I'll sleep in my office
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
