so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
are you so shy because you have an std?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
