Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
