yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
