Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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