He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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