i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
