I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
