No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
