By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
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I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
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I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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