So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
