My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
