The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
