I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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