Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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