based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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