if i can run in heels then i can drive
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
