Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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