Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
