was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
