nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Farmville is her only friend.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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