I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
