What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
