when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
