whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
