just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my being single is dangerous.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
