Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
