Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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