Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
