Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
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you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
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It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize