so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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