I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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