Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
